25.7.24

On being overwhelmed

 I don't know why, or how. But I'm feeling overwhelmed. I feel like I don't have much enough time in a day. Or during weekends.

I have house chores. I have pets. I have a full time work. Apartment. I have parents - separated. So I have a dad and a mom. Both live far away from me. I can't pin point which one is the one thing that really weighs me down. Lack of sleep? Dehydrated? My apartment that's very good in collecting dust? Things I have in the apartment I need to sell but I'm not posting on online marketplace sites. The baby and a toddler next door that cries a lot in a day? The neighbors dog that barks constantly?

Which one is the most important one that I need to prioritize? Money? So job? My filing of taxes for my freelancing business?

Do I waste time?

Is my internet slow? I already have a washing machine?

Is my apartment chaotic, disorganized and filthy???

WHAT?!

So much posts and blurbs about adulting. I think this is it. You have time behind you that you've already spent. And a limited time ahead of you that you can actually calculate how much is remaining from your previous experience. In the middles it's easy to feel stuck, overwhelmed, and anxious.

Maybe I'm a functioning depressed person?

Is it because I unknowingly and unconsciously distant myself from my family, high school friends, college friends, work friends.

Am I doing a lot or am I doing too little?

I'm tired. I told a friend, I'm tired. It's like being a cook in a busy kitchen. The orders kept coming in. I finish doing one meal then there's four more in queue.

Today

Work on Pickering

Friday

BST10

Weekend

William Osler PDF document redo

Next Week

Finish Town of Pickering

Start Thunder Bay

This month 

Get EasyCash on BDO

Pay Meralco

Pay SkyCable

Send money to my dad

Pay all credit card - due 29 July

August 

Finish Thunder Bay document

End of Deque Full Course access

Company townhall

Mae's birthday

September

Trip to Japan

My birthday

Company 10k run

October

Jackilyn's birthday

December

Move out of apartment somewhere quiet in the province outside Metro Manila, ideally near a beach


These are only things I need to do because these have "due dates".