Last night, I wanted to post this message on my room's door:
DON'T
LEAVE
THIS
FUCKING
ROOM
WITHOUT
A
FUCKING
PEN
AND
A
FUCKING
NOTEBOOK.
Or you'll die.
As long as I have my pen and my notebook with me, I believe I will stay sane anywhere I go. I peed twice last night. I washed my face thrice. And I tried to fall asleep for as many times that I could remember. But I couldn't, so I stayed up, wide awake until five in the morning until it was my body that gave up.
On a lighter note, here are some quotable quotes I booked marked from the book that night.
You gotta let go, Groceries. Otherwise you're gonna make yourself sick. Never gonna have a good night's sleep again. You'll just toss and turn forever, beatin' on yourself for being such a fiasco in life. "What's wrong with me? How come I screw up all my relationships? Why am I such a failure?" lemme guess -- that's probably what you were up at all hours doin' to yourself again last night.
What if we acknowledged that we have a bad relationship, and we stuck it out, anyway? What if we admitted that we make each other nuts, we fight constantly and hardly ever have sex, but we can't live each other, so we deal with it? And then we could spend our lives together-- in misery, but happy not to be apart.
There are only two questions that human beings have ever fought over, all through history. "How much do you love me?" and "Who's in charge?" Everything else is somehow manageable. But these two questions of love and control undo us all, trip us up and cause war, grief and suffering.
People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
When the karma of a relationship is done, only love remains. It's safe. Let go.