Rice Soup for the Soul
Filling up the cup one grain at a time.
15.10.23
this kitten called "Happee"
28.2.23
18.2.22
27.8.21
What made you cry today?
I know, I know.. it normal goes, "What made you smile today?" But this day is different. I felt an emotion that made me go beyond smiling. Here let me share to you. Hope this will make you cry, in a good and positive way.
26.4.21
It's not because I lost him...
It's because I lost a part of me.
---
I was a happy soul.
I was an optimist. I was innocent. I was naΓ―ve. I was a romantic.
He robbed my little miss sunshine traits. His name matches the deed.
---
Now, Clarice is...
12.2.21
Whiplash
25.12.20
We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January π
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart π
But the very next Christmas, you gave it away π
Next Christmas, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special π
16.12.20
Deep In The Abyss
Some people say words with no consideration of its weight. When I said, "I don't want to lose you in the abyss." I mean it.
When you replied with, "I don’t want to lose you in the abyss, and if I would I’d go after you." I don't feel like you mean it.
:(
6.9.20
Wake me up when September ends.
What's going wrong in your life that you need to talk about, but have nobody or nowhere else to do it so? from r/AskReddit
My 32nd birthday is coming up.
For someone like me, lots of dramas come around when my birthday is around the corner. Who the fuck invented birthdays?! I remember the first time I celebrated my birthday in school. I was about five. It was one of the first days when my parents separated. I remember I had to pretend everything is normal, I should act normal, happy because it was my birthday. But I was aware that my father isn't living with us anymore. He moved out. I have never ever told this story of my life to anyone before. I just let it slide whenever it emerges from where I've hidden it. In the morning of that day, I was getting ready for school. I was dressed up, wearing my P.E. uniform and my dad picked me and my brother up at home. Later that day, my mom came to school, brought the food for the whole class to celebrate my birthday. I did not cry that day. I pretended all is good.
My birthday's on Friday.
My parents are old.
Usually, I don't know where my mother is. I have a clue or an idea. Mostly likely she's with her siblings. I'm extra worried where she's at right now due to the pandemic. Also, I miss my mom lately. She's weird, odd, a little crazy but I can tell her anything. She'd get mad. Then, it'll end until she's just not anymore. The other day, I received a random message from one of my cousins asking me how my mother is doing. I DON'T KNOW. It worried me even more because it means my mom is not with them.
My father is six years older than my mother. He's seventy. Born in 1950.
Currently living in my hometown alone.
Recently, the present number of COVID-19 cases in my hometown increased. From zero to twenty, I think, as of yesterday. The municipality implemented stricter measures. One of those are senior citizens (60 year olds up) are not allowed to go out in public. They weren't given a special schedule when they can go out to run errands or buy necessities. They can't go out. Period.
I live in the city. One hundred twelve kilometres away from my hometown.
I don't know who to go home.
I woke suddenly in the middle of my sleep last night. I touched my neck and specifically felt the lumps I discovered maybe half a year ago. I never touch it when I'm conscious during the day. I ignore it. I don't want to think about it. I had Thyroidectomy in 2017. I'm very sensitive of what's going on in my neck.
I don't have health card right now. I can't afford to get sick.
Because I don't have a job.
I was laid off from my job only after 4 months because of the pandemic.
Now guess what, my previous job before that is now haunting me. Big time.
Another one that's been haunting me for months now, I feel that I got ghosted. Or being ghosted. It's very painful.
Happy Birthday to me.
P.S. There's hope. I'm not losing hope.
27.8.20
2meirl4meirl
I'm starting to get really worried about my mom.
Worried like I don't know where she's at.
This pandemic is bad.
Am I allowed, am I rude if I am starting to form hate, anger towards those inconsiderate people?
This month is so far has been the toughest for me. I have no idea what's ahead. If it's tough now, must I embrace the worst is yet to come? If it's a chart, is it doing down soon?
There was a moment I woke one morning this month and I couldn't explain how I was feeling inside. Hopeless, I think. Or drowning.
Then there's this last Saturday, I woke up feeling at my lowest low. I HAVE NOT FELT LIKE THAT EVER IN MY LIFE.
I am not in speaking terms with my friends. I do not talk to friends. I don't want to talk to my friends.
One Wednesday afternoon, also this month, I couldn't help myself but burst into tears because I was hearing my landlady's voice singing outside the apartment. I hated hearing at that very moment. It was close to the same feeling I had the day I decided I will break-up with my ex-boyfriend. This time my anxiousness is at an all time high, I had to not hear anyone's voice -- let alone singing.
I'm worried about my mom. I'm worried about my dad.
They're old.
I was re-watching Suits again and there's this episode where Mike grandmother died. It wasn't helping.
My coffee mug. I just have one. I accidentally broke it.
Picking up the broken pieces. The shock that I felt when it fell to the floor. When I was trying to catch it and lost my control then it fell from the table.
It made me feel my head is a mess. That was two Fridays ago.
Before I go to bed, I look at the fish in the aquarium outside the apartment. I tapped the glass sometimes to get the fish's attention.
Two Saturday nights ago, I saw the fish struggling to swim and keep afloat. I knew with the looks of it, the fish will be dead by morning.
I decided to not get up early so it's not me who'll see it dead in the aquarium. Maybe if I wake up late, they'd already clean it up.
I got up 10:30, I took a glimpse of the aquarium. The oxygen is still running. The fish is dead in the corner.
It didn't fucking help.
Next month is my birthday, I don't know what drama will come my way. I've been ready from the day I was born. I'm ready annually.
Oh.. and there was ants in the apartment two or three weeks ago. The ants problem type of ants.
23.8.20
2meirl4meirl
All I do is cry. I am tired crying. I'm exhausted crying. Crying is draining my energy. I cry 2 to 3 times a week on average. It's taking my spirit to maintain my connection with my friends and family.
I'm a fun person. I'm a walking little miss sunshine. But I haven't been that way beginning February this year.
I begun crying regularly right after Valentine's Day. Around March I started to feel neglected. By April and May, I felt avoided. And by June, I was totally ghosted.
Where did I go wrong? What did I do? I kept everything that I felt to myself and not raise them to not seem needy or clingy. Irritating or annoying. In the end, this is the treatment I received.
I've held on for two more months. I was still sending messages. Some funny. Others dramatic because I couldn't help it anymore.
Still, nothing. Radio silence.
The other day, it all suddenly occurred to me when he was he in the apartment. I panicked and cried a lot. I let him in here, I couldn't believe it was true. I kept murmuring it wasn't true. It was all untrue. Everything that happened was not true.
Why did I fall that quickly? Why did I trust someone so easily?
"Someone out there will say it, and mean it."
(to be cont.)