i am who i am.
i who is a kleptomaniac. and i who always have butterflies in my stomach.

these are the facts:

Butterflies in the stomach is a medical condition characterized by the physical sensation of a "fluttery" or "tickling" (hence butterflies) feeling in the stomach. This sensation can also be an uncontrollable physical sensation related to the body's fight or flight resonse or it can be an ineffable experience related to the psychology of love.

Some believe that this is caused by the release of epinephrine, or adrenaline when one is nervous, pulling blood away from the stomach and sending it to the muscles. This reduced blood flow, in turn, causes the stomach to temporarily shut down, and possibly the reason for reduced appetite during love sickness.

Kleptomania (Greek: κλέπτειν, kleptein, "to steal", μανία, "mania") is an inability or great difficulty in resisting impulses of stealing.

People with this disorder are compelled to steal things, generally things of little or no value, such as pens, paper clips, tape, small toys, or packets of sugar or sachets of honey. Some may not be aware that they have committed the theft.

Kleptomania was first officially recognized in the US as a mental disorder in the 1960's in the case of the state of California v. Douglas Jones.

Kleptomania is distinguished from shoplifting or ordinary theft, as shoplifters and thieves generally steal for monetary value, or associated gains and usually display intent or premeditation, while people with kleptomania are not necessarily contemplating the value of the items they steal or even the theft until they are compelled. Of all reported shoplifting, only 1% are actually kleptomaniacs.

source: wikipedia.org

sure, few people are klepto and you wouldn't meet them everyday and like me i'm really ashamed to talked about this sickness. also few people experience butteflies in their stomach.. it hurts a bit really when i feel nervous everytime i will recite in class or do my report, even when i talk to a person i'm not used to.. a stranger or something..

well, this are really facts about me.. i was really looking for my own identity back then. i have to buy clothes to say who i am to people. but know these two things that i just discovered about me is unbelivable.

well, being a klepto.. hmm... how am i going to say this to you.. err. oh i know, let me tell you first what are the things i collected. hey! don't get me wrong i'm not proud to tell you this, i'm really ashamed that this is what i do and did that i just now realize is in the category of stealing. that's why i included earlier the meaning of kleptomaiacs.

well, i these are the things that i remember.. i don't know what else's here in the house but..
a TIME magazine from school which there's a column about Utada Hikaru, a lighter from my classmate, a cigarette from my classmate (i don't even smoke!), a stainless fork from a fast food, a hair clip that i didn't return to my classmate, a hairband from my friend, a small plastic transparent bottle from my classmate.. and i don' know what else's. there was a feeling back then when i was taking up my examinition on my teachers desk and there was paper clips everywhere in her table.. i was really thinking and can't help it and really badly wanna get just one, ONE paper clip.. but i didn't get one.. well, i don't know if it's normal. i guess it ain't normal, eh?

about butterflies in my stomach.. uhmm i just recently realized that it was the exact idiom that i feel. i thought it was just some tummy problems or something but when i felt it more and more andmost of the time when i'm nervous that's when i knew that it is BUTTERFLIES!!!

i posted what's the scientific going on inside your stomach. i thought i feel that thing in my stomach was some acid or sort of.. i thought my stomach releases so much acid becuase of hormones whenever i feel nervous.

i remember a play of one group in my class.. there was this beautiful girl who always feel butterflies in her stomach whenever she was called to answer some math problems. that's when i knew.

i didn't think that there's few people people who feel this.. i even consulted my classmates if they feel the same way. they say they didn't. they only feel their hearts are pounding whenever they're nervous or some felt hands shaking.. it's really hard to have butterflies it feels soemthing like you wanna go to the bathroom or something like acidic in your stomach but not like when you're really starving, not like that.

now, besides on my fingerprints that is never identical to anybody in the world. i can say also that i'm different because of these things.

good day!

c' ' ;)

Meralco, magbabayad ka!

O ilaw,
Sa gabing.. madilim.
-clarice
Around 11:15 yesterday, I was about to wash another set of my clothes to the laundry and my brother who came here the other day from Manila was in the bathroom taking a bath. I heard a motorbike from the outside. Is it from the Luktel? (a telephone service that I’m still subscribed to, the Digitel; another telephone service that I’m subscribed to providing my internet connection ) The guy asked my neighbor for Aurora Quesea, That’s mine! I went out and he handed me the disconnection letter.. and when I went back inside. I saw the lights from the bathroom went out. I checked the light from the refrigerator was out.. I screamed! The lights are out.. they disconnected my electricity!
At 12:30 I took a bath it’s just that ONLY candles were my source of light. I was going to Lucena with my brother to pay the electric bill BUT not until I realize I cannot iron my clothes because THERE’S NO F*CKING ELETRICITY.
My brother left and i was alone in the house with no electricity. I took a nap at 1:20 and woke up at 3:15. I couldn’t do anything. I sit at the couch and there was this mirror i can see myself and stare.. stare.. and stare.
I rung my friend Jocel, it was her birthday yesterday. She’s 20. We agreed to eat outside a pizza and it was on me. At first she hesitated, you know… girls could be so idiot sometimes. I was so bored. I was so hungry. I went to her house so that her mom will be convinced that her daughter will not just go somewhere and meet a boy or something.. flirt in short. I checked my ATM and there.. I’m rich again, baby! So we ate pizza and drink an iced tea. I kind of forgot about the effing Meralco!
Before finally going home I bought four candles that I might need and I loaded my cellphone so I send text to everyone of my classmates what was currently happening to me. While walking I heard someone shouted “Ayan na ang aking superhero!” or err.. “Here comes my superhero!” I saw the superhero she was talking about. I passed by him. The guy was smiling. The voice came from a balcony so I looked up and saw her. Then I noticed she also had also no power in her house. The guy went there to fix things up.
7:56 pm I was lying in my bed already. While listening to my neighbor’s television! I could just imagine things that were showed in what I could only hear, commercials and so on. My only sources of light were my cellphone (3 battery bars, very nice), candles (which are idiotic and so embarrassing if people see that my house is lighted by an orange light and it can create a fire, huge fire.. and i don’t want that to happen), a flashlight, my mp3 (that didn’t completed it’s recharge because my electricity got cut off), my luminous digital alarm clock (more useful when the power is out than when it is set wake you up because the alarm isn’t that alarming), my baby G Casio wrist watch (of course, it wasn’t that helpful).
I was listening to Arashi and trying to sing with a print-out lyrics on my hand.. I can read ‘em with the flashlight I was holding all throughout I was singing that JPop. I don’t know what happened but from listening from my mp3, I went to recording myself…

After cursing Lopez clan, threatening Meralco and blaming my brother.. I decided to send text messages to my classmates.
I heard the wrist watch.. toot-tot.. It was 10:00 pm. I fell asleep.
I felt consious. Darkness. I looked at my cellphone. It was 3:24. I felt like I have to go to the bathroom. I wanna pee. Bull shit. All I can remember is the iced tea that I drank. I could not hear anything. Silence. No any other human noise. Nothing. It was all darkness. I turned on my digital alarm clock and I saw from that illuminated clock 3:14 (time), 6/13 (month and date).. Damn it! Not a good number. 6 and 13? And then I looked again FRI (date).. what the!? shit! It’s Friday the thirteenth today!
You know what they say;

Do one thing everyday

that scares you!

I listened to M2M from my walkman to lessen the creepiness I feel. They sounded like kittens when singing though. At 4:08 I went to the bathroom, I could not control it any longer.
Well, the price of all this was the sunrise that i witnessed this morning. You know.. I love sunrise! At 4:49 the street lamps were switched off and there’s no darkness anymore not inside the bathroom where I cannot switch on the lights!
5:10 - I went out to buy cheeseburgers and hot choco. I bought 2 cheeseburgers, 1 foot long sausage, 1 hot choco.. And went to 7 Eleven to buy Chukie and C2. On my way home, I saw my grandma and grandpa. What a coincidence. So what can I do?.. I gave them the foot long sausage. Tsk.
I ate my breakfast. I read Greenmile hoping I could finish that novel until Monday or before my vacation ends. An then 7:24.. I went back to bed. I told myself I’ll be up at 7:35, so i set up the alarm clock on my cellphone.. Sleeping.. My electricity is back! My cellphone alarmed. I opened my eyes and snoozed the alarm to give me more time… sleeping. I awoke at 7:01 and sleep again.. then at 8:20 I finally woke up and manages things.. and went to the bathroom.
Then I heard the same motorbike from yesterday parked outside. I hurried up to see them outside. OMG! Those are the guys who.. Am gonna kill ‘em! I hurriedly went outside and saw this guy fixing the electric meter but it wasn’t the same guy I saw yesterday. At 8:23 in the morning my electricity is back! Oh yeah.
And the rest.. is history.

DISH IS EAT!

This is probably the first time that I didn’t rush to brush my teeth after eating my dinner because I want the flavor in my mouth to stay for a while. I cooked my own dinner today in a special different way. I made pasta! Yep, actually I also ate pasta yesterday night and I cooked it myself too. I’ve been craving for spaghetti last week. That’s why when I went to the supermarket I bought pasta and ingredients needed for an ordinary spaghetti. But I was so busy last week so I couldn’t make time to cook for myself. I didn’t want to go to a fast food either to eat spaghetti because I’m tired of that old-style sweet sauce with hotdogs and cheese taste.

After watching the whole episode of Bambino starring the handsome Matsujun of Arashi, a hit boyband in Japan.

I was inspired to cook something different for myself. This weekend I successfully made two pastas, last night and this night. I love it. It was pasta in Spanish sardines

My Dad can cook very well, he’s great! He uses his brain when cooking like for timing, estimating the ingredients etc. My Mom is a good cook too! She uses her senses. She has a very sensitive taste buds. But often times she’s lazy to cook for dinner. Of course, there’s my brother, who is a third placer! He is fond of cooking. Cooking increases his appetite (much much moore!). Unsurprisingly, I’m the loser among them.

I wonder how a food would taste like if you’re a skilled/ talented chef? Err?

Have you ever heard that some people can’t eat the dish they cook themselves? And that they enjoy the food more if someone else’s cooked it. Well.. I did heard it couple of times and with that statement.. I disagree! Crap. Because I always enjoy the food that I make for myself! Maybe they are just a bad cook, and they just can’t admit it. I always look forward to cook fried rice and make a sunny side up for my breakfast. I always wanted to have a spare time to make my own dinner at home after school. And by just looking and figuring out what to cook with the available ingredients in the fridge.. excites me!

The most awful dish I ever cooked? It was Sinigang na Bangus. Last Sunday I went to the public market and bought this silver shinning fresh bangus (milkfish). I bought also the ingredients needed. I went home feeling that I forgot to buy something. Then it happened… I mistakenly put the the onion into the boiling water with the bangus. Then, I knew what was wrong – tomatoes. I SHOULD HAVE PUT NATIVE TOMATOES instead of that onion! I forgot to buy tomatoes. I was out of my mind. That isn’t the worst part yet. The worst part it was that I damaged the gallbladder of the fish which is so delicate and made my Sinigang not sour but BITTER! Awful. I still ate it, all of it.

Back in my high school days, going to a culinary have never crossed my mind. That isn’t my field; I know it from the start. I have four friends and three of them are into cooking, one of them is ALWAYS uncertain what to take in college. Two of the three is now taking up nursing, their moms convinced them to do so. One of them is now studying Hotel and Restaurant Management. We all want to open and run our own restaurant someday so we thought of being business partners. Ironically, they always request for me to cook pancit canton for them whenever we get together. I wonder why?

The problem with the cook books are that the ingredients most of the time is soooo hard to find in public market, supermarket, or wet market whatever. The problem with the cooking tv shows are that the ingredients is shown quickly and disappears right before your very eyes. BUT! I love watching Rachel Ray. I’m entertained of her way of cooking and she talks so fast, so many ideas come out of her head and she’s a funny girl too. Remember Iron Chef in RPN9!? I was fond of that television show. Imagine yourself cooking under time pressure. The most challenging part is you don’t know what gonna get to use as your main ingredient for the competition. You’ve got to be ready, focused and experienced chef!

I learned from my Dad that the key to learn the basic of cooking is the four main ingredients, you just always have to make these four main ingredients available at your kitchen 24/7: oil, garlic, onion, and salt to sauté any dish. Voila!

I was always afraid of business that deals with food. I’m scared of what if a customer suddenly gets sick or if someone just complain for something to be not complained of. I have to keep in mind that CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT. But now I am really starting to think of opening and running my own restaurant. I would like to have different simple kinds of pasta in the menu. Like Pasta in Spanish Sardines, Pasta con Longganisa, Pasta in Tuna, Pasta in Vegetables etc. I want the restaurant just to be a small one, just like the menu it will be simple, and that could only occupy 20 - 26 people. And I will put a paper and pen beside the napkin holder in the table, I would like to know their comments and other concern regarding with the food, management, service anything about my restaurant.

I would like to acknowledge come-what-Mae for the idea of the title ‘coz I couldn’t think of any.

Grazie! Arigato gozaimasu!

I GOT IN!!! i'm a DEAN'S LISTER this coming semester. wahaha. this is a dream come true for me. i made it.. whoo.. hoo.. ho.. yesterday i was in school for my enrolment for this coming school year. my class will start on 16 of june. the problem was i still haven't have my professors signature on my exam permit meaning i can't claim my classcards at the dean's office. so i woke up at six in the morning and get myself ready. i finally went out home at ten! it took me four hours preparing.. then i went to school. i was having my trouble starting because of my exam permit, we call it "greencard". i couldn't claim my classcards in trade for my greencard. good thing our chairman is really kind to his communication babies(hehe). so he saw me writing a letter.. the letter is for an excuse that my greencard was misplaced so i have to get a new one.. my chairman will sign it and then i'll present it to the dean's office to get my class cards. and I GOT IT!! so i got my class cards. i was not excited. i was never excited because i know i'm a sucker. my classmates were more excited to see and compute my grades to see if i got into the dean's list or not and I GOT IT!!!
i was waiting for this since i was like first year college to be in the dean's list and you know what? in my college, arts and sciences, the dean's lister, we call it DL, the DL students will have their faces posted at the corriedor of the builing. HAHAHA. my face will be there!~ yeah,, and it's priceless. oh, and i got a half discount for my tuition because of this academic scholarship. YES.